7 Stages of Grief

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
( http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html )

It's been 2 months, so leave me alone. I'm not crazy, unstable or "need help" ~ I am working through things as I can....the fact that you think everything should be sunshine and roses for me already makes YOU the insane one that needs help.
There is nothing set in stone that says you can't go back and revisit a stage of grief ~ some stages are shorter than others and one does not preceed through these stages in any order other than the last one ~ acceptance and hope.
I am angry very very very very angry ~ but it is lessening slowly into a profound sense of sadness. I think some of the things that have contributed to my anger are:
*People who say every.flipping.time we see them "You have the perfect family." and implying that we should not have anymore children.
*People who say "you don't mean that" or "you don't believe that" ~ REALLY!?!? Since when are YOU and expert on ME?
*People who dampened my joy and robbed me of some of my happiness (with their words or their silence) while I shared the brief, precious time I had with my angel.
*People who don't understand that I have a "safe" group of people....that means I am comfortable being around only a select few people ~ why is this? If I knew I'd be a millionaire and my medical bills would be paid off. It is not me being cruel to anyone (shockingly enough this is not about you....it is about me) ~ it has to do with my comfort zone and right now that includes a handful of people ~ some who know what I am going through and others who don't.
*People who say "God will never give you more than you can handle" if that is the case be prepared to be in the most pain you've ever been in because I'd going to hit you. Hard. But I'll smile and tell you that God won't give you more than you can handle ~ then I'll pray for the healing of your body.
*People who tell me I am blessed because I have children, a husband, a home ~ as if I don't know and realize this....I'm sorry, but how does my sadness and anger convey to you the message that I am UNgrateful about ANY of these things?? What I DO have CANNOT be compared and contrasted with what I lost ~ they are not in the same playing field ~ no scratch that, they are not in the same galaxy!
I'm slowly getting over my anger and total disgust with God....for people, well, it's going to take a bit longer...but we're only human.....right?