October 15th

October 15th

Here is a post from another blog ~ this mama's sweet baby girl was born sleeping. I love this post though ~ it perfectly sums up what I am feeling.

That thing called anger.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Anger is a stage of the grieving process.
It's "perfectly natural" to be irrationally angry I'm told.
It's okay to want to punch all the pregnant women you see, as long as you don't actually act on it, I'm told.
Lear and roll your eyes at people with newborn babies, it's ok. I'm told.

So why is it that Anger is the stage hardest for me to let naturally flow?
My brain will start ranting about how unfair it is that other women get to keep their babies but I didn't, and my intelligence jumps in and tells me to not think like that. You don't want to be bitter, it tells me. Smile and be happy, be happy for so and so that they have their baby and they're not going through the hell you are right now.

But the sad fact is that deep down I am not happy for anyone. I am bitter and angry and I hate everyone who gets to keep their baby. I hate everyone who feels superior to me because they have never buried a child. I hate the ignorance people keep spouting at me because they think it helps.

And yet still as I sit here and type my brain says "You can't publish that. What if someone reads it and is offended?"